A number of weeks ago, I suggested to my husband that we find a church. Fortunately, he was open to the idea, although I think a bit surprised as throughout our entire marriage (and the time we knew each other before) I had never discussed my faith. I became very frustrated with God and the church in high school and early college (before I met my husband) and completely left the church. I will get into my background in a later post.
Now I feel a bit alone in my struggles. My husband doesn't have much faith now and isn't really open to discussing it much or even know how to discuss it. On the other hand, I feel like I am coming home to a place I'm not sure I belong anymore. I'm pulling out my favorite hymns, learning a few current Christian pop songs, and digging into the Bible. But we haven't found a church yet (it will take time) and so I don't have any connections to discuss all this with. Everything is so familiar and yet so unfamiliar at the same time. Hence, the reason for this blog - a way for me to talk through what I am feeling and thinking and hopefully discover how God is revealing himself to me.
Let me end with a Bible passage that has come up repeatedly over the past week from Psalm 139:13-18 (NRSV).
13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
I come to the end[a]—I am still with you.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
I come to the end[a]—I am still with you.
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